I'm baaack

I've decided to come out of blogging retirement..well it was more of a hiatus. But a lottt has happened since my last post. But why sit here and blog about the past..whether it was good, great, bad, or heart breaking. I must say I do feel like a part of me is missing. I know, Jennifer's back and she's complaining..I am. Buuut, it's weird. Something walks into your life and you never expect it to turn into what it does. Then again, you never expect it to end the way it did..or at the time that it did. Music is what keeps me alive these days. Every morning I wake up to music I leave playing all night. (I'm not gonna lie..I put Justin Bieber's song "One less lonely girl" on repeat and leave it on all night) and I put music on in the background while doing my school work, the rest of the day I'm singing it, and I listen to music in the endless hours before I fall asleep at night. It's what keeps me going.

Good Lord!

Sooo I'm really only on here because I skipped my school work the

past few days..I only did the bare minimum which would be assignments

to be turned in and not the 20 page reading lessons. (yes you read a TON

with online schooling). Soo if you do the math...I have 6 classes. One lesson

each day. I skipped some days, and I have todays, and then I'm doing tomorrow's

work (well I was planning on it anyway..) since I'll be gone all day. So as you

can see I'm kind of in a rut. I usually just do my school work every day and it

takes an hour or less to complete it since I usually work on it late at night.

(I decided to take my insomnia up on a more positive note and be productive

while I wait for sleep to come..) annnd now I've been sitting here since 11AM

(yes thats when I woke up) and its currently 1:30 PM and my attention, concentration,

learning ability is gone for the day..and I still have 4 days of US government/Politics

left annnnd 3 days of Pre-calc. UGHHH too bad the average American attention

span is only 20 minutes...and continuing to fall. Or else maybe I'd be able

to actually get this stuff done. I've been on every website I can possibly access

to try and avoid this. Apparently taking little "breaks" doesn't work. You

basically just shut down your thinking status in your brain and its

impossible to get it back up and running. OH well.

Its destiny

Never underestimate the power of true love, my friends.

Life can be tough, hard, cruel, rough, unfair, misleading,

and not as you would like it to be. But hang in there.

"If you're lucky enough to find that one person, the other

half of your heart, your true soul mate...hold on to them.

And never let them go."No I have no experienced true love.

I'm only seventeen. But I do believe my soul mate is out

there. I may or may not have met him. I may have a hunch

or I may be naive. But God is telling me to go on and be

strong. This is the only life I'll ever get. The good lord

made someone just for me. And He is watching me along

this long, endearing journey as I slowly make my way

along His path. And he smiles down upon me, like he is

tonight. And I return my heart felt smile. You should too.

Yes I had a very good night. It was probably one of the best in my life.

I am very happy and nothing can bring me down right now.

MISS BRANDIE I HAVE SO MUCH TO TELL YOU :) (& YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN! )

Can somebody help me..

So I used to be a straight A student (with a few occasional B's, no biggie) and I used to stay up at night working on my school work for the next day or two or three. That's how crazy successful of a student I was. I don't know what's happening to me... I can't focus on my school work for anything! No, not just my school work... I can't read leisurely like I used to, I just can't focus on what I'm reading. I can't practice my violin for as long as I used to. I used to be able to stand there and play for almost an hour, and now I can barely do it for 10, 15 minutes tops. My grades at the moment are at an all time low, I have 2 D's, 3 C's, and 1 B. JENNIFER LYNN ELIZABETH WICKMAN! How the heck are you supposed to get into college? I dunno =\ Right now I have 6 classes worth of work to get done but I just CAN'T. You guys don't understand. I can't look at anything like I used to. What's wrong with me?! I can't sleep at night. My average time of falling asleep is around 5AM. If its any sooner I consider myself lucky. I have this kind of 'anxious' feeling all the time. It's weird. I'm falling apart at the seams and I don't even know what's going on!

I've just realized

I've been lying to everybody who's asked me "why did you leave Harrison?" or "Why do you do school online?" I make up excuses like "it's something different" or "because I wanted to help my mom around the house more" (that last one was one of my points in presentation when I was trying to get out of school actually, I said I'd be able to help out around home more since I'd be there more...it worked apparently.) The one reason that was true was "I absolutely hated it there. I couldn't stand it." This is the sad truth that I am only going to tell and talk about ONE time. And that is in this blog. For once I don't care who sees this and I don't care what they think or say to others. This is something that I JUST realized tonight. The truth is I'm trying to grow up too fast. Well that is the over all case in point. Those are the only words I can think to summarize all of my thoughts and feelings that I was going through towards the end of my brick & mortar (term for a school building) days. I really did hate it there. It might have been the winter months that caused those ugly days, and the teachers that weren't giving me the grades I worked for, and the kids who lived to party and do drugs and what not. I couldn't stand being in that environment. I felt myself and my education deserved better. (not that I'm better than anyone at Harrison. I know I'm not the only one who feels the same way, I just actually did something about it.) Anyway, I felt school tied me up. Around these months I had started getting lots of calls from agents and production companies that wanted ME to come and audition. No way was a rundown, bankrupt, nasty school building going to hold me back from my dreams. And that is the absolute real reason I left school. I'm not sure if my mom knows that to be the reason. She may have a hunch that something with my mass calling for auditions had crossed my mind as a good reason to leave, but not the main one.

Today on Facebook, I saw a video of the 'flash mob' the psychology classes did in the lunch room. Seeing the school in full effect, I actually-for the first time ever- felt a longing to go back. I wanted to walk those halls again smiling at my friends as I passed them in between classes, socialize at lunch and during classes. Be able to feel the relief and freedom of driving home in the afternoons, having a reason to put make up on and dress nicely for people to actually see me. I will never again admit that I want to go back. It will never happen so it is worthless to even try and persuade me. It will never work. I'll never be back. I do wish I hadn't tried so hard to put my high school days behind me. I may have a little under two years left, but I cannot help but feel a little upset with the fact that I am not longer apart of the Harrison school community. I do feel left out. But that was a choice of my own. I wanted out so badly that I never thought I'd see the day that I would feel even the smallest amount of what I'm feeling now. I wouldn't say that I regret leaving. I do like sleeping in, working for an hour or a little over on school work for the day, then having the rest of the day to myself. It's a sweet life. But not as sweet because you have no one to share it with...However, I will put this behind me and stick it out here at home through my graduation. Then it is off to college and away from this town forever, so why would it matter if I miss a year or two with people I may never see again? Like I said before I'm trying to grow up too fast. All I think about is college, then after that, and whats next, and when I should get married(I haven't even met the guy yet!), and how old I should be to have kids, and so on. Those things shouldn't be in my head at all. I just turned 17. This is the prime time of my teenage years. Why the heck am I trying to sprint full speed ahead of them? This is the only life I've got, and I should wish for it to go as slowly as possible. Every adult tells me "you're only young once, so enjoy it as much as you can." If only I could.

Texts from Last night

I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.

Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours

a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.

I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.

you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.

if i died would you start the facebook group?

He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.

The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue

LETS GO REDSKINS!
- Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.

Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did

all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.

some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page

youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?

How did people poop without Blackberrys?
- Motorola Razers?
- Stone age, man.

Meet Blanket

So after eating at Olive Garden for my birthday dinner (9 days late but hey, better late than never..), My mom had this brilliant idea to stop at Petsmart just to look at the kitties and doggies since we didn't feel like just going home. Well there was one tiny little kitten all alone in her cage and me being the amazing little girl who can make it look like her heart is breaking at the thought of leaving a kitten behind (for those of you who remember me talking about Summer from the no-kill animal shelter a few months ago..it was a sad heartbreaking ending..) and I wasn't about to have that happen a second time. So when we were holding her of course we fell in love. I named her Blanket 30 seconds after we first saw her and I knew if there was the slightest chance to get her I had to name her, and fast. Well it just so happens that during dinner the name Blanket, as in Michael Jackson's son, had come up and I declared this to be the name of my next dog...well it apparently ended up being a kitten that I'd unknowingly have within the hour. But the story behind the Blanket Jackson is Michael said the purpose behind it was "blanket of love". So for those of you who made fun of the child or my new kitten, think of that saying because I think it is a beautiful thing. Gorgeous. Blanket is now sleeping on a blanket right beside me and I could not be happier. I just hope the vet lets us know that she is healthy and won't contaminate the many other animals we have at the zoo here in my house. (4 dogs, now 4 cats, 2 gerbils, and one tiny robo dwarf hamster.)