Is this a bad thing??

-Something inside of me has changed-

No, not physically. And not really mentally either.

I guess you could say emotionally...?? Possibly.. I guess.

But something is very much different. A part of me wishes

I could just get my GED and be done with my academics;

but the other part of me is slapping myself silly with that

thought. Who are you kidding? A good education is what

is most important here. Why would you throw that away?

Stupid. Of course I want to go to college. Of course I

know where and what for. But why does it have to be so

da-gone expensive? A decent college costs as much as a

house these days. I can't make my parents pay for that!

-But in the mean time-

Other things have changed in such a short while it seems

as if it happened over night..I guess that's possible. You see

something from a different point of view or something new

opens your eyes and you can change like *that*. I don't really

feel comfortable saying exactly what did change me, but it was

something that made things that seemed important once to me,

now seem pointless. I don't feel that I need to be an A-list social.

I feel that texting to my close friends once in awhile will suffice for

hanging out with all of my friends (close and not so close) every

weekend or free day I have. I guess it's because my sister is pretty

much my best friend and I'm with her all the time so it feels like

I'm always with my closest friend. Sure I have others, but I feel

like they don't make too much of an effort anymore, so why should

I? Sure friendships and relationships need a little work from both

sides, but they shouldn't have to be forced. I guess I'm more focused

on my future and where I'm heading with my life as opposed to living

now and trying to make time stand still. It's not possible-so why try?

August 26-27

Sooo as you all probably know I went to Columbus yesterday

and last night to see the Jonas Brothers perform. My mom, sister,

and I left yesterday afternoon. We ate dinner then Jess and I got ready

and headed to the concert. Honor Society and the Wonder Girls

opened for them. (due to schedule conflicts Jordan Sparks couldn't

perform) but the highlight of my night was seeing those three

boys work their magic on stage. Jess and I were in the third row

so we got some awesome pictures that I put on facebook. The videos

I posted on my youtube channel (http://www.youtube.com/xjenniferlynnx).

It was an amazing night. One of the best parts was when Joe and Kevin

were on this rise thing and they were spraying people with guns that

shot out white foam. So since we were so close they sprayed us. The

life they were on went in a big circle and when they were right above us

Kevin looked down at me while squirting us and I blew him a kiss. (he

may not be Nick or Joe even, but still..)

But of course after an AHMAZEINGG night there has to be something bad

happen. And I awoke in the middle of the night with a burning feeling in my

chest and stomach. Then later on came the sharp pain on my ride side by

my hip bone. After a miserablely long ride back, my mom took me to our

family doctor and they told me to go to Childrens Hospital asap. Wow, way

to scare a kid people. I got an ultrasound (which was miserable since they make

you have a full bladder and they push on it the whole time) and they were looking

to see if I had appendicitis. I didn't -THANK YOU GOD.- But they did discover a

cyst I had. While they were pushing on my appendix it ruptured. Luckily, the fluid

was clear so they let me go and I am now in pain for the next week or so. Oh well,

I had a life changing night last night and nothing can bring me down. Not even a

ruptured cyst that hurts like the dickens.

"You Are Here" Jennifer E. Smith

This book was interesting. It wasn't as much of a romance story as I thought it would be, but it was still pretty good. Emma discovers she had a twin brother who died a few days after birth and she realizes this could be why she feels so lonely in life. Peter is miserable without his mother and just his father who he feels he isn't good enough for. Emma sets off to see her brother's grave and Peter joins her on the road trip. The two get to know each other along the way. I must say my favorite character is the three-legged stray dog they pick up along the way. I have a soft spot for animals and he is the cutest and best of friends. If I had to rate this book, I'd probably give it a 2 1/2 -3 stars (out of 5). Maybe it's just because it interrupted my Nicholas Sparks kick, I don't know. But it was still pretty good, especially since it only took me a day of work to read it.

"The Choice" Nicholas Sparksw

Nicholas Sparks is, without a doubt, my favorite author. This book, however, has been my favorite of his so far. I absolutely loved this book. It so realistic and I loved this love story. It was written a little different of a format than most of his other books. It was heart-wrenching and tear jerking. It touched my heart and will touch yours too. There are a few unexpected twists that can either end very bad or exceptionally good. Everyone wants and hopes for a fairy tail ending. This book was so amazing that I actually couldn't wait to get to work. Which is weird for me. There's not much else to say about this book other than its a really great romance novel and I thoroughly enjoyed it.

ugaahh

School. Work.

School. Dr. apt. Work.

School.

School. Work

School.

Work.

Day off!

Then it starts all over again.

Wow.

It just hit me as I woke up this morning that today is my last day of summer.

(not that my school is that demanding, but its no summer vacation either..)

Of course I'm not quite ready for school. For starters; my printer isn't working

so there goes half of my school work right there. When I found out that I could

graduate after this year-I'd have enough credits-I was excited at first. One less

year of school work. But then I really got to thinking and didn't know if I

actually wanted to. What would I do with my "Senior year". Work? Go

to college a year early? Leave and go live by myself and get a job? Well I

figured this all out thanks to a song. Yes, a song. I now have made all the

decisions to the questions that have been haunting me for the past few

weeks. I know what I want to do with my future. And for that, I started

to cry when I made that realization. Yes, I cried. But that's just the type of

person I am. Accept me. For I now know which way my life is going. (or rather

which way I want it to go.)

Why I had a good day

+So work is getting better. I'm getting the hang of it and it's getting easier.

+My mom is in a good mood (despite the massive cleaning for our party tomorrow)

+We have our family picnic tomorrow and I'm excited to see my cousin and her baby.

+I get to sleep in tomorrow morning!!

+My sister comes home Sunday

+My dad took me shopping today and bought me a new digital camera-see picture- as an early birthday present.

+I'm one day closer than yesterday to the Jonas Brothers concert!!! (3rd ROW BABY)

+My mom is making all of my favorite foods for tomorrow. Yummy yummy for Jennifer.

+I'm currently watching The O.C. (which is guaranteed for me to be in a good mood)

+TGIF. Which means its the weekend and I don't have to work until Monday night

+PEREZ HILTON RETWEETED TO ME ON TWITTER!!! boo-yah!

I'm excited about other things but I can't remember them at the time

"sTORI Telling" Tori Spelling

If you enjoy watching Tori & Dean:Home sweet Hollywood on 'Oxygen', then you'll love this book. I thought the show was stupid until I actually sat down and watched it. I loved it! And then I decided to read the book written by Tori Spelling herself. (this is her first of two books). I was interested in reading about her life told from her point of view and her side of the story; apart from what you see on T.V. and read in the tabloids. Tori has seen and done and experienced so much in her life I can now see why she is the person that she is today. She talks about her famous T.V. producer of a father and his spoiled wife who is a not-so-great mother, her acting career and how she got started, her relationships (which make me want to scream at her "WHAT WERE YOU THINKING!?!"), and how she met her soulmate and current husband, and having her first child (Liam Aaron McDermott). I enjoyed this book and I am currently waiting for the library to call and let me know that her 2nd book, Mommywood, has arrived for me.

BTW:I'm, ironically, watching Tori & Dean: Home sweet Hollywood as I'm writing this.

Rambling

Lets see hereeee:

-Heath ledger's quote "Can you put a price on your dreams?" (as heard in Dr. Ingoriums Wonder

Emporium trailer) is sticking in my head right now and I'm pretty sure God has something to do

with this, as in it's a sign for me.

-I have an eye exam tomorrow which I'm really getting stressed/anxious about because I hate

how they dilate the pupils. eeeekk!

-I have to work for the first time by myself for a shift tomorrow. eeeeeekk (again!)& I have to drive to work with dilated pupils (zoinksss)

-My sister is in Michigan for the week with her boyfriend so that's one less week of being with

her before she goes back to college.

-This Saturday is our family picnic that we have each year with my mom's side of the family

and I guess I should be really looking forward to it...but I'm not as excited as I should be.

-I don't really expect anyone to care while reading this, I just wanted to vent and Twitter

only lets me enter 140 characters at a time...annnd I've been tweeting a lot today.

-My school lessons open next Monday (Aug. 17) So that is the start of my school year.

-I go to the JONAS BROTHERS CONCERT in two weeks!! (WED. AUG 26) in Columbus, OH

and as you are probably already aware..I AM SO PUMPED! WOOHOO.

-I've been experiencing random nauseous moments, head aches, blacking out, light headedness, high blood pressure (which is EXTREMELY rare for me.), and fatigue-for the past few weeks

and it's not getting better (YES, I'm complaining. I apologize. You don't have to read this though, that's all YOUR choice)

-I haven't really hung out with my friends in awhile since I started working..and also I don't feel like it too much because of me being weirdly ill (-at times-). And plus is the "end of summer blues"

-I haven't been reading as much as I normally do. Now the only times I read are at work. (which is a lot of free time, but still!) My library holds are all coming in and here I am slacking on my reading.

-I really want to get back into my violin lessons that I took a break from back towards the end

of June. I just don't have time (or the will) to practice..and that makes me disappointed in

myself because it's been a part of my life since I was a little kid (4th grade..thats a ways back)

and I want it to remain a part of my life for a long, long time. *Sighhh*

-Today I had a bad head ache so I didn't go to work and guess what...I'm still sitting in my PJ's

and it's almost 8 o'clock (PM!) I know-bum right?

-The best part of my days (the time I look forward to the absolute most) is at night when I am

lying in my bed trying to fall asleep..but I think by now both me AND MY BRAIN know I don't

want to sleep..I lie there and day dream (well its night time,so night dream) about how I

would love love love love love truly love my life to be. The song affects my mood and the

pictures I see in my head. I guess your life can be considered "unsatisfactory" when you actually

look forward to dreaming. Didn't Dr. Seuss once say "You know your life is great, when you

don't want to go to sleep because reality is better than your dreams." ** (something like that).

Well in this case, it is actually the opposite.

-I live on a one-day-at-a-time basis. I easily get anxious, stressed, worried, concerned, upset

with the future and I can drive myself crazy just thinking about it. (It happens too often)

So thanks for letting me rant. I should be good for awhile now =]

Heath Ledger's last film (trailer)

http://perezhilton.com/2009-08-11-first-trailer-of-heath-ledgers-last-film

I saw this on Perez's website and it made me sentimental.

God bless Heath Ledger (Rest in peace). & his family and friends

as well.

*I can't wait for this movie to come out. I really want to see the

last production project of Heath Ledger. He was (and will always

be)my favorite actor of all time.

I admire Johnny Depp, Jude Law, and Colin Farrell for stepping

in once Heath Ledger passed. God bless you three as well.

"are u 4 real?" Sara Kadefors

It took me three days to read this book. (and I only read it during my free time at work..) It was definately a novel about teen romance. Two people from different places, with different lives meet in a chat room one night while they're both feeling upset. They take comfort in becoming virtual friends. They meet in real life. Of course every friendship has its own bumps in the roads. I wasn't sure how to book was going to end as I was reading at that point. All I knew was how I wanted it to end. I'm a sucker for sappy, honky-dory, happily ever after-type endings. I recommend this book if you are bored and want just a story to read about teens finding themselves and finding each other. There's not really much else to say.

Warning

I'm just gonna put this out there, but for those of you

who don't have a job...keep it that way. Jobs suckk

soo baddd. Yes,this blog is just going to be me complaining

about having a job. You literally sit there staring at the

clock thinking "move faster move faster" and you

actually WANT to go home..no matter how bad you

hate it there. :\ You go to bed at night thinking "uggg I

have to work tomorrow". Then you wake up in the morning

all happy and honky dory and then you remember "UGG I

have to work today!" I find myself wishing someone would

invent a 'Fast Forward' button for my life; just so I can

fast forward through the hours I work. Sure you get paid, but

when it all comes down to it, you just want to remain a kid

at heart for as long as you possibly can. So if you don't have a

job-REJOICE.

"The Chosen One" Carol Lynch Williams

"The Chosen One" is a novel that has a very different style apart from all the other books I've read in my life. I did, however, find it intriguing. It was pretty good to be set in a different type of lifestyle. It's the culture where they assign people who they marry. Young teens must marry older men. And those men must have at least three wives to go to heaven (or so they believe). Thirteen year old Kyra must marry her 60 year old uncle. Yet, she is in love with a young boy her age. It is against the Prophet to see him, however. They sneak out when it's dark. The boy, Joshua, tries to set it up so that he can Choose her and be her husband. The Prophet does not agree to this and Joshua is forced to flee leaving Kyra behind with only his promise to come back for her. Kyra has no choice but to leave, or marry her uncle. Reading this makes me grateful for our country giving us choices and guaranteed freedoms and rights.

e.E. Charlton Trujillo

e.E. Charlton Trujillo (AKA Unis) is the director of the (*hopefully* soon to be) T.V. drama "Fallen".

After working with her in her latest production in July 2009 I decided to read her two published books. They are short, yet full of emotions. They have similarities although she wrote them as separate stories. Unis is from Texas, therefore the stories take place in Texas. As I was reading these books, I couldn't believe the woman I had just worked with (and throughout the long filming days-randomly chatting with) had written these stories! It's truly amazing to know someone then read their work. I loved these books and I really think you guys would too.

"If the Witness Lied" Caroline B. Cooney

This book has an antagonist from Hell. I have never wanted to be inside a story, just so I can personally strangle the bad person myself. I kid you not. This book shows the true bonds of family love. Siblings must stick together to conquer their one and true enemy. Of course they're just kids trying to get through life after their parents died. Their mother was developing cancer while pregnant with the youngest sibling, Tris. The kemotherapy would kill her baby so she made the selfless decision to let the cancer take its course just so her baby can live. However, at the age of 2, Tris is said to have accidentally released the emergency brake in his father's jeep (while his father was searching for something underneath it), ending up killing his own father as well. -OR- did the one and only witness lie about the "accident"? Is she out to ruin their lives? Yes she is. I loved reading the bonds of these three children trying to survive these tough times when no one will listen to them. This is a short book that takes no time at all to read. I loved it and it made me go and hug my brother and sister once I finished it.

"The Lucky One" :Nicholas Sparks

On a rainy day what else is there to do but read? I read Nicholas Sparks' "The Lucky One", and just like all of his other novels, I thoroughly enjoyed it. I was sad to come to the end because I fell in love with the characters. It's extra easy to take sides with the good people in this book. There is no contest. The antagonist does tend to make you want to throw the book at the wall, but the ending is truly satisfying. The climax was in an unusual place-it was at the end of the book. The whole story ending and conclusion to events is in the last 5-10 pages. I have loved EVERY novel by Nicholas Sparks. Truly inspirational.

weekend away

It was so nice to go to a different town and get away.

It was well overdue. Unfortunately, the missionaries came

while I was away and my mom got the pleasure of telling

them how much of a handful I am, and how childish I am,

and how I have no sense of mind, @#$%&^*. My brother

was the one who informed me of that...because my mom

won't even talk to me. I texted her Friday on my way to

Indianapolis and told her about the situation thinking

she'd forget about it by the time we got back. WRONG.

she called and was nOT HAPPY WHATSOEVER. And now

as I am back home, she is still not happy with me. And by

not happy I mean FURIOUS. sdgkjndafnadfjgh What am

I going to do? My goal for this week is to spend as little

time at home as possible. Give her time to cool off. yeah.